nothing's impossible
just have to find a way

"Farewell happy Fields
Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrors, hail
Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he.
Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th' Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n

John Milton, Paradise Lost; Book One
♥♥♥

rien ne pèse tant
que un secret.

sigh.

Monday, November 15, 2010 / 5:35 AM

I was gonna go to sleep early tonight since I gotta be up late to pick up Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood at midnight but remember the entry a few days back... about making two choices... the smart one and the stupid one (the latter being the one I've obviously chosen)?

I talked to a friend about it tonight... it took the sleep away from me. I laid down what had been happening even though I cringed at what I was saying, I made it as stark and honest as I possibly could, so he could understand and it was pretty much how I expected it. It's logical.

You should have known better, Ria, what the fuck do you think you're doing, it's not longer just you anymore it's two - no, three more people that are gonna be hurt cause you couldn't and didn't want to cut it out. You know what's good for you.

I know. I know.

It's all there. Crystal motherfucking clear. However, I know how to be smart... but I'm also pretty proficient at making stupid mistakes, even if they cost me a chunk of my heart... I mean the worst things that could even happen to me have already happened, so what have I got to lose, right? Jeez.

After he was done being... well, ruthless with me and after I spilled everything I felt, he welcomed me to the human world.

ogni cuore
ha il suo dolore

If you're here, you've somehow managed to stumble across my blog. The word blog makes me think of snooty fashionistas in New York writing about their later escapades in their pink Mercedes so we'll just call this the place were Ria (yours truly) can spit out whatever the hell she wants with no responsibility or thought about who she might be offending.

Also, if you're reading this, you might want to know a few things. This is my fifth attempt at successfully keeping a record of my thoughts and doings - after a few LiveJournals, a former Blog (if you peek around you might find it), and a few paper journals - so, I figure this might be the last chance I'll give myself to write everyday - if not possible then every other day - about what's going on through my head.

N o, you're not handcuffed to a chair. You may leave if you will. ~~Go watch porn.~~

My basic goal with this is to try to flesh out the philosophies, memories, thoughts that make me - me.

Truthfully, I just want to write again. I miss it.