nothing's impossible
just have to find a way

"Farewell happy Fields
Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrors, hail
Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he.
Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th' Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n

John Milton, Paradise Lost; Book One
♥♥♥

rien ne pèse tant
que un secret.

edges

Monday, October 4, 2010 / 3:02 PM

I'm all too familiar with being at the edge of choice. Today was the event I'm not allowed to speak of and it came to what I suspected but was not prepared for. This is cryptic, I know, but I'm not going to apologize for it. It came down to being stuck here. Longer.

I was so ready to call the pretense quits, pack my bags and leave... after I graduate.

And now I fucking can't. I can graduate... but I'm stuck. I'm stuck and I hate it. The plan of action my mother has is go to Columbia and get my MA. My plan of action? Fuck everything. Take a break. I'm on the edge of tossing everything in the air and just giving up. I hate that feeling. I'm disciplined enough to know that the other choice is to pull up my defenses and just bear it. Now, its just which one to take.

I know, I know.

Mother and I went to Potbelly's right after. I think she knew how disappointed I was in the outcome. That was a pretty good sub though.

There was something else I was going to update on this but now it seems to be entirely too inappropriate compared to the rest of this entry. Hmm.

ogni cuore
ha il suo dolore

If you're here, you've somehow managed to stumble across my blog. The word blog makes me think of snooty fashionistas in New York writing about their later escapades in their pink Mercedes so we'll just call this the place were Ria (yours truly) can spit out whatever the hell she wants with no responsibility or thought about who she might be offending.

Also, if you're reading this, you might want to know a few things. This is my fifth attempt at successfully keeping a record of my thoughts and doings - after a few LiveJournals, a former Blog (if you peek around you might find it), and a few paper journals - so, I figure this might be the last chance I'll give myself to write everyday - if not possible then every other day - about what's going on through my head.

N o, you're not handcuffed to a chair. You may leave if you will. ~~Go watch porn.~~

My basic goal with this is to try to flesh out the philosophies, memories, thoughts that make me - me.

Truthfully, I just want to write again. I miss it.