rien ne pèse tant
que un secret.

I'm not particularly happy about the previous entry. Or the one before that actually. It always kinda surprises me how dark and angry I can get... like, I forget the depth of that particular facet of my mind. I don't think that necessarily a good thing. I still have to weigh it out.

Oh, right. I've been having the most whacked out dreams lately. They make no sense, sometimes are gruesome, sometimes are heartbreaking, sometimes just inhumanly awful... and they come and go in torrents. I am sort of used to it. One particular bad one happened on Monday. I woke up nauseous and shaken-up. I'll share once I've written it down and shown it to my strange-dreams partner, Cheri.

Umm... I'm convinced my mother should write a memoir. Or just tell her life story. It's unusual and powerful. I'm entranced every time she shares bits of it.

We get along... adequately. I'm just as insane and stubborn as a mule as she is which means we clash in nearly every possible way. No, its not pleasant all the time but it is kind of nice... the times when we actually do get along. Sort of.

I've been checking out a few universities to pursue my MA at. A few in the US, Canada, France, Australia and Italia caught my eye. But... so my plans may be shifting a bit. In light of my mental health, I might follow my sister's footsteps and volunteer somewhere for a year. The organization she's linked to is powerful and spread all over the world.

A place with kids. Somewhere other than here.