nothing's impossible
just have to find a way

"Farewell happy Fields
Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrors, hail
Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he.
Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th' Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n

John Milton, Paradise Lost; Book One
♥♥♥

rien ne pèse tant
que un secret.

someone needs to give me a cookie

Thursday, July 1, 2010 / 2:34 PM

Today would have been one of my dark days. The days where your chest feels like coal and your mind moves sluggish – yep, one of those. Those days are extremely rare, ambivalent and somber…somber to the point where I don’t really feel like myself. Like I’m one of those sad, pathetic looking people on the bus with those lost expressions.

Ugh.

I’m not going to go into why today was like that… cause technically I made it like that. And I’m not going to explain that. It is for me and the stranger that listened without judging.

We can’t be happy all the time. That is the problem with being crazy strong on the outside… the strength protects and hides the vulnerability. The fact that I can be so fragile on the inside that when something really digs through… it really, really hurts. Gah, how does that even work? I thought I was done sticking myself under a microscope.

ogni cuore
ha il suo dolore

If you're here, you've somehow managed to stumble across my blog. The word blog makes me think of snooty fashionistas in New York writing about their later escapades in their pink Mercedes so we'll just call this the place were Ria (yours truly) can spit out whatever the hell she wants with no responsibility or thought about who she might be offending.

Also, if you're reading this, you might want to know a few things. This is my fifth attempt at successfully keeping a record of my thoughts and doings - after a few LiveJournals, a former Blog (if you peek around you might find it), and a few paper journals - so, I figure this might be the last chance I'll give myself to write everyday - if not possible then every other day - about what's going on through my head.

N o, you're not handcuffed to a chair. You may leave if you will. ~~Go watch porn.~~

My basic goal with this is to try to flesh out the philosophies, memories, thoughts that make me - me.

Truthfully, I just want to write again. I miss it.